Why I Chose To Be A Stay-At-Home Mom

So, just for clarification, I do have a job.  It's just really, really part time- like 4 hours every other week.  I'm essentially a stay-at-home mom.


*First foray into motherhood.  My "fur-st" born on my lap and my first born in my arms*

When I was pregnant with Hadley, I worked full-time nights in the NICU (intensive care for newborns).  I love the NICU.  I love the babies, I love the families, and honestly I'd probably still be working there if they hadn't had some policy changes.  I knew when Hadley was born I wanted to go PRN (super part-time).  I didn't want to quit working, exactly, but I wanted to be home with Hadley.  I wanted to watch her grow and be there for her big milestones.  I wanted to watch her roll for the first time and walk, and say her first word.  So when I went back to work after maternity leave, I went back part-time, which was two 8-hour shifts a week.  In my unit, they had 12 hour shifts, 4 hour shifts (7-11p) and 11p-7a.  They really didn't like the 7-11/11-7, but sometimes people needed to leave early  or whatever, so it was do-able.  I was usually taking the 11p-7a shift and it was AWESOME.  I was at home for dinner, bath, and bed-time routine, I got to tuck my baby in, and I didn't miss anything since she was sleeping.


*My first night back at work after Hadley was born*

Around the time Hadley was a little over a year, they changed all shifts to 12 hour shifts.  Research shows patients get better continuity of care if they don't have a change in caregivers so often, medications aren't missed, etc. so I completely understood why they went that route, but it did make me quite sad.  Hadley has always been a terrible napper and with a switch to 12 hour shifts, I was going to need more sleep than I was getting during the day.  I could get through an 8 hour shift with a short nap when David got home in the evenings, but 12 hours is hard and quite frankly it was dangerous.  Who wants a sleep-deprived nurse taking care of your sick, brand-new premature infant??  So we looked into childcare.  We are blessed that David makes good money and we are taken care of, but we punched some numbers and long story short- I would have had to go back full time to pay for her to go to daycare.  That made no sense.  I need to work more, spend less time with my kid, just so we can afford to send her to daycare for my one shift a week?  It essentially worked out that the money I would be making would go directly to childcare, so what was the point?  We'd just be losing money and time with Hadley.


*The first time she sat up by herself!  She was so proud!*



I love the NICU, but being there in the pivotal years of raising my children was more important to me and David and so as heartbreaking as it was, the decision was made, I'd stay home with Hadley.  God seriously intervened, and while this is a quick rundown of that time, I was very torn and anxious about all of this, and God really answered some prayers.  I didn't want to just stop working altogether and a position in our hospital's Women's Education department opened up.  I teach Prepared Childbirth classes, Sibling classes, etc. now.  I still have face time with people, which I love, but the classes are a couple Saturdays a month or 2-3 hours on weekday evenings.  I'm home with my kids, I'm raising them, and I'm still able to bring in a little income for our family.


*Holding his ball all by himself!*


*Learning to count!*

I will eventually go back to work.  I mean, I'm in school to get my doctorate!  Ideally, I'd like to go back part-time after I graduate.  I want to be there for any other children we may have, I want to be able to go to sporting events and awards ceremonies for my kids, I want to be a constant presence in my kids lives.  Not overbearing, but a cheerleader, and advocate, a mom who loves her kids. (And I am in no way saying parents who work don't love their kids!! Please don't let that be your take-away.)



A lot of things lined up perfectly for this opportunity.  I didn't go into motherhood thinking I would be a stay-at-home mom and I realize that a lot of people aren't in a position where they even have this option, so I don't take it for granted.  I thank God everyday for letting me be home to raise my babies and still get some time to work.  In the grand scheme of things, He knew what was coming.  It was so hard during the transition: I wanted to work, I wanted to be home, we couldn't afford to send Hadley to daycare without me working full time....but shortly after all of this fell into place, I found out I was pregnant with Griffin.  He answered a prayer before we even knew it was on the horizon.  There is *no way* I could have continued working part-time and send two kids to daycare.  And He knew that another year down the road, I'd be back in school studying to get my doctorate and would need time to devote to my studies.



Being a stay-at-home mom isn't a decision I chose lightly, but it is one I relish in daily.  I'm blessed by this opportunity to pour into the lives of my children, shape and mold their hearts, and who they will grow to be.  And for that I am eternally grateful.

"Children are a gift from the Lord; They are a reward from Him."

Psalms 127:3

Fear

*These thoughts are my own.  Comments are welcome as long as they respectful.  I reserve the right to delete any that aren't.*

I was going to link up today with Bailey and her blog-tember challenge, but my heart just isn't in it.  This week has been filled with more turmoil fueling the racial divide in our nation.  Most recently, on my home turf.





via (Photo by Chris Austin)

I am from Charlotte, NC.  I grew up there, it's my hometown, it's a place I love, a place I'm proud to be from and a place I'd love to move back to someday.  So to see all of this unfolding in my beautiful city is really devastating.  Are we not better than all of this?

I am a white female with a privileged upbringing.  I have two college degrees and am working on my third.  I am raising white babies- one of which is a white male.  He will have no trouble with racism in his life.  My white, privileged, daughter will only have to deal with not being paid fairly because she's a woman (and hopefully by the time she's old enough to have a job, that won't be an issue!).  So I can't even begin to imagine how the black community feels.  No one in my family is a police officer, so I can't even begin to imagine how the police community feels, either.


via (photo by Sean Rayford)

I can't imagine how it must feel to be fearful that as your baby boy, now a teenager, walks out the door for school, may never come back because someone thought he looked like "a bad guy" just for walking down the street.

I can't imagine how it must be fearful to don a uniform everyday with the growing hatred toward you and know that if you have to make the choice to use lethal force, you will start a war.

I can't imagine how it must feel to be fearful that your husband won't come home because racial hatred is so rampant in this country right now.

I can't imagine how it must feel to be fearful that your husband won't come home because police hatred is so rampant in this country right now

I can't imagine how it must feel to be fearful that the man you love, the foundation of your family, the father of your children may be gunned down because the color of his skin makes him a target.

I can't imagine how it must feel to be fearful that the man you love, the foundation of your family, the father of your children may be gunned down because the color of his uniform makes him a target.

But, I am a momma.  And I see all of this taking place in our beautiful country and I can't help but be scared for my babies.  I can't help but be scared for my babies black friends.  And be scared for my babies friends whose parents are police officers.

How do I explain the injustice to them?  How do I explain that you can walk around all you want with your hands in your pockets and no one will bat an eye, but your sweet black friend can't because he'll be labeled a "thug" or "a bad guy".  How do I explain that your friend's daddy will never come home again because someone killed him in retaliation for killing someone else?

via (photo by Sean Rayford)

I just can't wrap my mind around all of this.  And as I was watching this all unfolding last night, I just kept thinking a few things:

1.  I know the wives of these police officers are doing the same thing I am, watching this from home, yet they know and love a face in that crowd and can pick it out instantly.  How scared are they?
2. I know the wives and mothers of the peaceful protesters are watching and can pick out a face they know and love...how scared are they?
3. What part of "peaceful protest" involves looting and rioting?  What does that accomplish?  In this case, it accomplished destruction and more death.
4. Where are the parents of these kids with their cell phones out recording?? They were not there for the protest, they were there for the entertainment.  And they were in danger.  I'm not sorry to say that was a stupid decision on their part.  

  My last thought is that the media portrays what they want and what they want is to get ratings.  The media never provides the whole story and I am always hesitant to believe everything they are saying from the start.  They are not the whole problem, but they are part of it.  Get the FACTS first, then report.  When did hateful rhetoric replace factual reporting?  They say what they know will incite fear, anger, resentment....instead of seeking out the true story.


via (photo by Sean Rayford)

But we need change.  And God knows we need it now.  Everyday, it gets worse and worse.  What are the answers?  Please pray for my beautiful city.