Fear

*These thoughts are my own.  Comments are welcome as long as they respectful.  I reserve the right to delete any that aren't.*

I was going to link up today with Bailey and her blog-tember challenge, but my heart just isn't in it.  This week has been filled with more turmoil fueling the racial divide in our nation.  Most recently, on my home turf.





via (Photo by Chris Austin)

I am from Charlotte, NC.  I grew up there, it's my hometown, it's a place I love, a place I'm proud to be from and a place I'd love to move back to someday.  So to see all of this unfolding in my beautiful city is really devastating.  Are we not better than all of this?

I am a white female with a privileged upbringing.  I have two college degrees and am working on my third.  I am raising white babies- one of which is a white male.  He will have no trouble with racism in his life.  My white, privileged, daughter will only have to deal with not being paid fairly because she's a woman (and hopefully by the time she's old enough to have a job, that won't be an issue!).  So I can't even begin to imagine how the black community feels.  No one in my family is a police officer, so I can't even begin to imagine how the police community feels, either.


via (photo by Sean Rayford)

I can't imagine how it must feel to be fearful that as your baby boy, now a teenager, walks out the door for school, may never come back because someone thought he looked like "a bad guy" just for walking down the street.

I can't imagine how it must be fearful to don a uniform everyday with the growing hatred toward you and know that if you have to make the choice to use lethal force, you will start a war.

I can't imagine how it must feel to be fearful that your husband won't come home because racial hatred is so rampant in this country right now.

I can't imagine how it must feel to be fearful that your husband won't come home because police hatred is so rampant in this country right now

I can't imagine how it must feel to be fearful that the man you love, the foundation of your family, the father of your children may be gunned down because the color of his skin makes him a target.

I can't imagine how it must feel to be fearful that the man you love, the foundation of your family, the father of your children may be gunned down because the color of his uniform makes him a target.

But, I am a momma.  And I see all of this taking place in our beautiful country and I can't help but be scared for my babies.  I can't help but be scared for my babies black friends.  And be scared for my babies friends whose parents are police officers.

How do I explain the injustice to them?  How do I explain that you can walk around all you want with your hands in your pockets and no one will bat an eye, but your sweet black friend can't because he'll be labeled a "thug" or "a bad guy".  How do I explain that your friend's daddy will never come home again because someone killed him in retaliation for killing someone else?

via (photo by Sean Rayford)

I just can't wrap my mind around all of this.  And as I was watching this all unfolding last night, I just kept thinking a few things:

1.  I know the wives of these police officers are doing the same thing I am, watching this from home, yet they know and love a face in that crowd and can pick it out instantly.  How scared are they?
2. I know the wives and mothers of the peaceful protesters are watching and can pick out a face they know and love...how scared are they?
3. What part of "peaceful protest" involves looting and rioting?  What does that accomplish?  In this case, it accomplished destruction and more death.
4. Where are the parents of these kids with their cell phones out recording?? They were not there for the protest, they were there for the entertainment.  And they were in danger.  I'm not sorry to say that was a stupid decision on their part.  

  My last thought is that the media portrays what they want and what they want is to get ratings.  The media never provides the whole story and I am always hesitant to believe everything they are saying from the start.  They are not the whole problem, but they are part of it.  Get the FACTS first, then report.  When did hateful rhetoric replace factual reporting?  They say what they know will incite fear, anger, resentment....instead of seeking out the true story.


via (photo by Sean Rayford)

But we need change.  And God knows we need it now.  Everyday, it gets worse and worse.  What are the answers?  Please pray for my beautiful city.