"Are You Happy, Mama?"

A month or so ago, out of the blue, Hadley asked me, "are you happy, Mama?"

"Of course!" I replied, "I'm with you!"

At the time, I just thought she was being my funny, sweet girl.  But she continued to ask me that occasionally and I started paying closer attention when she did.

My girl has a tender heart.  She definitely wears her heart on her sleeve and displays every emotion she has to the nth degree.  There is no holding back for her!  I love it (most of the time, ha!) She sings at the top of her lungs, laughs the biggest belly laughs, and has the most beautiful smile.  She's smart, and witty, and says the funniest things.  She gives hugs and kisses throughout the day, randomly stops what she's doing to say, "I love you, Mommy!".  Frequently lists off the people who she loves and who love her (she includes herself on this list. "I also love myself.  Do you love yourself?" Gut check, people!  If we want our daughters to love themselves, we have to start with us!)  She also cries and wails at the top of her lungs if she gets sent to her room, screams angrily if she thinks things are "unfair", and if she sees a drop of blood, you would really think she's losing a body part.  

She loves fiercely and feels deeply, my girl.

I started to notice she would ask me after she got in trouble.  Something small that really isn't "trouble" in my eyes, but more of a correction in attitude or a warning reminder that she needs to be careful.  I also noticed that she would be doing something, stop to look at me, look my face, and then ask me if I was happy.

I realized that Hadley was studying me.  She would study the tone in my voice when I spoke to her or around her, she would study my facial expression, my posture.  And based on what she heard or saw, it would give her pause, the wheels in her head would turn, and she would ask the only thing she knows to ask when judging me: are you happy?  Are you happy with me?

At first, I felt a lot of mom guilt.  What am I doing that my daughter is going around questioning if I'm happy?  Why would she think otherwise?  It really made me reflect on how I present myself, how I parent, and how I phrase my words.  During my bible study recently, I ran across this bible verse:

"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear it." Eph. 4:29

It stopped me in my tracks.  What words come out of my mouth that serve no purpose?  That my little girl hears and tries to make sense of?  How do I conduct myself that she is noticing --and even though she doesn't have the words, is trying to discern why Mommy doesn't look or sound happy?  Even if I am!

I have really tried to incorporate this verse into my everyday.  It's caused me to think about what I'm going to say before I say it, think about how my reprimands will come across to her little ears, and the ultimate message I want her to receive.  I want to guide her and uplift her, not staunch her spirit.  I want to give her grace upon grace, because the Lord knows I'm not perfect and He supplies me with grace everyday, too.  What a gift He has given me, that I can now shower upon my daughter!

Little eyes are always watching and little ears are always listening.  Today, I am thankful for my beautiful girl who has taught me such a valuable lesson in carrying yourself with love and an edifying  purpose.